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| You can choose to think of life in two different terms; after you're born you simply begin to die, or after you are born you continue to be "busy being born." choose wisely ;) | | |
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i never thought of life in terms of appreciation. only now am i looking forward to every breath and feeling a sense of vigor and vitality for the different colorful people around me. i always shunned those who were different from me, but now i've realized that through these people, i learn about myself, as cliche as that may sound. they are, in this period of my life, what is giving me inspiration. this summer has been different. it's not necessarily been one of never ending adventure like i pictured it, but it's been an adventure nonetheless. to see the different colors of life is startling, because i am used to a sheltered life living in a shadow of black and white. i don't know where this fervor for life came from, and i'm frightened to know how shortly it will last. everything around me is stimulating. every verse of every song i find boundless inspiration through every infinite verse. i'm consumed with joy driving home from work because everywhere i look, i find a trace of humor or peace. i look at my friends and i internally, silently thank them for helping shape me and get me out of my rut. much of who i am is attributed to them. i'm really learning to be as i am, and it's awesome. the other day, i was driving home from work. i saw a billboard with a picture of Nola Ochs, a 95 year old woman who is the oldest person to graduate college. i don't know why i found such profound meaning out of such a simple billboard that most would overlook. it made me feel so good to see that, although a person is near the end of her life, she would still spend her time and money going to school to accomplish a goal. of course Nola's hard work wouldn't be able to be of use for long, but she had ambitions and followed through, which i admire. it was so inspiring and awesome. i can't explain my love for words, or the deep appreciation i get when i look at nature recently. i can't explain my paradigm shift or the state of change in my mindset. i can't put into words what i'm feeling, because it's beyond that. i just hope and pray it lasts, because i need this feeling of amazement. 
"pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere." | | |
| ...no one can do it for me. | | |
| it's almost the fourth of july, and as usual, i'm sick. i don't know what causes it, but like clockwork, almost every 3 weeks i get sick. it always seems to happen during the most important things or the funnest things. i was SO sick the weak before finals, i missed the entire week. now, before all the fun lake stuff to do with the fourth of july. UGH! hopefully i will feel well enough to go to the lake tomorrow, though. i was talking with some people at work about college. i need to start looking at some... it's weird that right now, my mom if finishing school to be a teacher at age 49, while i'll be doing the same thing after next year. one of her class assignments was to write a paper about her reaction to Freedom Writers, the movie. I had already watched the movie at school which made me want to read the book. i read the diaries a couple months ago and rewatched the movie with my mom. it's a remarkable story and i only wish i could somewhat emulate Erin Gruwell and her motivation/passion when i'm an english teacher. it's really something to have such a fervor and an intense care the way she did, i can't wait to feel like i'm making a difference in someone's life. if only most high school students were like me and perceived it that way..... this summer has been particularly uneventful, it depresses me. i pictured my summer to be the one everyone imagines. camping out, dancing in the rain, watching the sunset, finding a summer boy, swinging on swings and going to the lake. campfires and concerts, going on bike rides and to the zoo. but i always over-estimate things. i guess it's just part of my romantic nature. i imagine and analyze and hope and perceive and estimate things to be so much better than they can be, they don't stand a chance to live up to my expectations. 
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| a couple months ago, this happened to my dad. he wrote this and after i read it, it made me think, most people don't appreciate small run-ins with strangers. they overlook crucial lessons. How I was shamed in a race by an 80-year-old man  I got behind a man in a red baseball cap at the grocery checkout. He had only a few items. But looking at the loaded carts of the two people in front of us, he turned his cart around and left the lane. “I made a bad decision,” he said.
He got in line at the adjacent lane, but still was sizing up his choice. “You can come back over here if you want,” I said. “No, I’ll stay here. Want to wager who gets out first?”
Never one to back down from such a challenge, I said, “Sure, let’s race. I’m committed to this lane. I have faith in this cashier. She scans fast.”
So the race was on. We were neck and neck. It was odd how badly I wanted to win once the race started. I gained a few inches when the cagey gentleman surprised me by abandoning his lane and looking for a clearer path elsewhere. But I didn’t see any other lanes open. “Big mistake,” I thought. “He’s going to have to come back to his lane, tail between his legs, and probably lose his position to someone with two giant carts of groceries.”
I lost sight of the man until, much to my surprise, he walked past me exiting the store with his purchases. He looked for me as I still stood in line and, with a grand self-satisfied smile, he tipped his hat and said, “You have a nice day, young man – if you want to.”
It was one of those encounters with a random-but-friendly stranger that makes an ordinary day a bit brighter.
A few comments:
* I don’t know how he beat me, and I do hate to lose. But I really think that the old fellow wanted to win, too – maybe more-so than me. And so he found a way.
* It’s nice to be called “young man” when you are 48 years old, so it was worth losing.
* I enjoyed his parting shot: “You have a nice day – if you want to.” I’ve not heard that before, but I take the message as a reminder that whether I have a nice day or not is entirely up to me – “if I want to.”
* I hope he has a great day.
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I got behind a man in a red baseball cap at the grocery checkout. He had only a few items. But looking at the loaded carts of the two people in front of us, he turned his cart around and left the lane. “I made a bad decision,” he said.